Searching for a Heart in the Carpet

My family visited some friends for an overnight outing to their farmhouse on 60+ acres.  We had the pleasure of sharing Saturday morning with them, and enjoying the peacefulness as the morning sun shone through the windows.  When walking through the living room, my friend found a heart-shaped sun spot in the carpet. He called several of us in to see it, but it was gone just moments later. His vision was captured in a still photo taken with his smart phone.

Sometimes love is easy to find in our homes, workplaces, and schools.  Other times we have to search for it in unexpected locations.  Sometimes its appearance seems fleeting at best.  Yet even in the most hostile places, we can often find little rays of sunshine in the darkness, if we look to find them. 

Can we believe that despite our worrisome circumstances, there are still reasons to hope?  Perhaps these simple pleasures will be found if we take the time to look.  And perhaps after doing so, we will have the pleasure of a much needed “warm, fuzzy feeling” as we find our own “heart in the carpet.”

Man of Many Men

My husband just fixed the sink last week.  It seemed fitting to publish this essay now, from the Hurley archives, dated 3/23/13.....

My husband is the head sensei at a karate school in town, and the students there call him the “Man of Many Men” which they abbreviate as “Momm.”  How they get away with this is a profound mystery, yet somehow my husband seems to like it.

My husband is a tough guy for sure.  Over twenty years of martial arts and five stripes on his black belt make this an unmistakable fact.   He does all the tough things that many guys do, like shoot guns, hunt, and fish.  He is somewhat of a survivalist, always trying to prepare for what may happen next.  And he is aware of all the mental factors that go into keeping himself and his loved ones safe in many situations.  Yet he also likes to do photography, and teaches political science at the university.  And after a lifetime of thinking he had no rhythm he is now learning to play guitar.  His mind is always active, and his evenings are spent searching the web for knowledge about many different things.  He always seems to be able to fix nearly anything, such as cars, lawn mowers, pool cleaners, door frames, clogged pipes, and broken light fixtures.  I’ve heard such people described as having “grit,” the motivation within oneself to persevere and keep trying until they achieve whatever they set out to do.  Occasionally he needs help, but not very often.  He is a great source of advice on basic legal matters also, and seems to be able to find anything needed on the internet.  He is truly a “man of many men,” as his name proclaims.

Yet after nearly 20 years of marriage, I still sometimes wonder what is really going on under his cap.  Kind of like an onion, we have layer upon layer of experiences that make us who we are.  Yet when you peel back the layers of a person it is never clear what you are going to find.  But I guess we are not meant to know such things, and this complexity keeps things interesting and matures us in ways not otherwise possible.

We will have our 20^th wedding anniversary soon, and I certainly hope we both have the health to make it 20 more.  I don’t know how much better I will come to understand him in the next 20 years, but I look forward to the journey.  My daughter is only 11 right now, but if I could look ahead to the type of man I would like her to marry someday, I hope it is a man of integrity who will take care of her needs and protect her, as her father protects and takes care of us; a man with “grit” who will have the motivation to work through challenges relentlessly; a man who has a lot of things working under his cap; perhaps also a “Man of Many Men.” 

Goodbye with Grace

Breaking relationships is always difficult.  When is the right time?  Are we doing it with the right motivation?  Are we following Godly methods in the process?  These are all very challenging questions.

In Matthew Chapter 6, Jesus Himself says that we should forgive others for their sins against us (Matt 6:12, 6:14-15).  A chapter before that he says that if we harbor resentment with our brother, we should first be reconciled to our brother before we give God our offering (Matt 5:23-24).  God clearly calls us to forgiveness and reconciliation.

Yet Jesus also taught that sometimes people will simply not think the way they should, or act the way they should. In Matthew 18, Jesus says that if a brother or sister sins, we should first go and point it out to them.  If that does not work, then take two or three others to discuss.  If that does not work then take it to the church for them to provide counsel.  If that does not work, then we are called to “treat them as [we] would a pagan or tax collector” (Matt 18:15-17).  There are also many Bible verses validating adultery and “sexual immorality” as a divorceable offence (Matt 19:9).  

So how do we both forgive and reconcile, while also acknowledging the need to dispel and divorce?  I believe the answer to this comes from our personal motivation and spirit in the process.  There are consequences to a sinner’s actions, but will we use the Holy Spirit within us to love the sinner while we hate the sin? 

A wise mentor once told me that “Reason is not something you can force someone to have.”  There are people we simply will not get along with, and whose thinking we cannot change.  But we should not believe the lie that they are beyond God’s pursuit or love.  Through my own conversion experience I learned three truths:  1) God is faithful, period; 2) No one is unsaveable; and 3) Forgiveness is complete.  If that were not true, then my arrogant, type A personality self would still be running 90 miles per hour away from God to the misperceived security of self-sufficiency.  If He can save me, then He can save anybody.  We simply have to realize that salvation of the lost person is God’s job, not our job, other than what God calls us to do in witnessing to the person and living our lives as Godly examples.

Does this mean that we should continue to return to situations with difficult people who mistreat us, ridicule us, lie to us, and cheat us?  Doing so would be foolish. “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly” (Prov 26:11).  Yet as we let this person suffer the consequences of their actions, can we pray with a positive spirit for the person we are leaving behind, entrusting God to continue to pursue them and use this perceived “bad” thing for the person’s good?  If we harbor anger, resentfulness, and unforgiveness, we reduce our usefulness towards the ultimate goal of refinement, maturity, and salvation of the person with whom we are called to still love.

A simpler message is that of grace.  As we have received, so we should give. And this can lead us to a goodbye with grace. 

Back to the Daily "Grind"

Well we did it again...we returned once more to work and school after the Christmas holiday break. Returning to the daily "grind" after some time off can certainly be a challenge.  Hopefully many of us made some positive memories and were able to catch up on rest.  The question is, how can we bring these positive things back to our work or school routines?

Some people are not returning to positive work or school environments.  So how is one to bring the joy of the holiday season into their daily routines?  Perhaps it helps to remind ourselves that difficult situations help us find our true potential.  And if life was too easy, it would be boring. Who wants to live a boring life?

Some of us are returning to work or school environments which include difficult people.  Perhaps it is helpful to remember that it is from our dealings with difficult people that we may learn the most.   Argumentative people help us learn our own positions better.  Immature and naïve people provide us our best opportunities to plant seeds that may take root in these young people's hearts years from now.

I have definitely seen my email begin to bustle with activity this week. All of the things that have been put off until after the holidays are now requiring attention.  I will get through this as I have in years past.  And perhaps, if I am fortunate, I'll realize that this is not a "grind" at all, but rather a blessing.

Ode to the Cell Phone Case

I do not lose things very often. But when I do, I do a good job.

All is not well when I lose my cell phone case. I "believe" in belt clip phone cases. This keeps my phone with me wherever I go, and whenever I need it. I can feel it pretty quickly when it vibrates.  And it is handily available whenever I need a flashlight, a map, access to my calendar, and a myriad of other things. When I lose my phone case, all is not well with the world.

I pity the people who keep their phones in their pockets. It's uncomfortable.  Often you need to shift the phone from one pocket to the next. It's less secure. Certain pockets are too shallow to keep your phone properly protected. It can be hazardous. Many people have a cracked their screen from sitting down with their phone in their back pocket.

It's no wonder why some people routinely lose their phones. Not having it properly affixed to your belt makes you more likely to set it down on any tabletop or counter. And many young children or toddlers can certainly operate it and send text messages to China. You don't want to send unnecessary text messages to China, do you?

I feel naked when my phone is not attached to me, much like how others feel when they are not wearing their wedding ring or watch. Things simply just don't feel right if my phone is not on my waistband.

Oh, woe is me.  Does anyone want to feel sorry for me today?  My daughter might happily call me a "whaaaambulance" to help me deal with the loss of my “dorky” phone case.

I guess I won’t convert all of you to my way of thinking.  In the end it is a little thing.  But isn’t it interesting how little things can disrupt our day?  My cell phone case was found right where it was lost—under the blankets of my bed.  I guess I fell asleep with it on my waistband and it landed under the sheets.  No wonder I couldn’t find it.  But what would have been the worst case scenario?  I’m only $20 and a short trip to the mall away from a new case.  Wouldn't it be nice if all of our problems could be solved this easily?  What a waste of effort to spend our frustration on such little problems.

At least it’s a funny story, and I am laughing as I write this.  And my practical yet “dorky” phone case is properly relocated to its home on my hip.

Happy Hoofbeats

A recent morning not too long ago I heard my son awake upstairs, jumping around.  He was clearly in a good mood.  My son is a “morning person,” and always has been.  He has done well keeping himself entertained in the morning so the rest of his family can sleep in a little.  He usually is pretty quiet, but this morning I heard him upstairs.  It occurred to me that I could easily ruin his good morning by yelling upstairs for him to “Be quiet,” or giving him a lecture.  Instead I decided to sit downstairs and listen for a while, grateful that he is a joyful, happy kid, who woke up in a good mood.

I fall into this trap when I am reading or doing work on the computer.  Not long ago my daughter came downstairs singing with headphones on while I was typing a message on my computer. She was clearly in a good mood, enjoying a good song and doing a gleeful little dance as she was getting a snack.  Similarly, I wondered how I might ruin this mood by barking at her for breaking my concentration.  In the end, that email was not urgent, and we had no timetables to keep.  I decided to watch her for a while and be grateful that she was joyful and happy.

The desire to have “peace and quiet” as an adult is something of which we should not be ashamed.  We do have work to finish, and deadlines to meet.  We need to get our kids focused on finishing tasks when we have a timetable to keep.  And sometimes our stress level requires us to have time to decompress.  But sometimes the efficiency we desire is not really a requirement, and our desire for “peace and quiet” robs us of an opportunity to join our kids in joyful moments.  And worse, it may rob them of these happy moments.

Maybe as we hear these happy hoofbeats, we should think about joining in on their joy.  We might find a little bit of happiness there ourselves.

If It's Not a Sheep It's a Cloak

I enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles.  It is relaxing to me to pick up a piece and try to find where it fits.  Sometimes I sort by shapes or colors.  Sometimes what I think is a piece of one thing ends up being a piece of another.  Sometimes I am convinced a piece will fit in one area, only to find it does not.  Today I am doing a jigsaw puzzle with the picture of a Christmas manger scene.  I had cream-colored pieces which I thought were of sheep, only to find it was part of a wise man’s cloak.

Sometimes in our lives it seems the “pieces are not fitting.”  We end up with one disappointment, or a series of disappointments, that cause us to question our role in this world or this time.  The devil is quick to exploit these little disappointments and blow them out of proportion.  Perhaps we all need to be reminded that we have a perfect place in this world, and were created for a purpose that only we can do. We have our own little spot in the jigsaw puzzle of God’s plan.  And once we find it, we learn it is a perfect fit. 

written 12/29/15