The Path to Discernment Sometimes Has Bumps

12/22/15

Not too long ago I was angry.  Really angry.  Steam coming out of my ears angry. I learned several things from that experience.

1. Anger is unpleasant.  This anger robbed me from feeling the joy from several fun family events as the negative thoughts kept replaying in my head. 
2. Anger is unproductive.  In the midst of my severe anger I could not fully see a path toward fixing the problem. 
3.  Anger is often pride in disguise.  Many Christian friends will talk about “righteous anger” and point to the biblical story where Jesus turned over the merchant tables in the temple.¹  Do we really feel we have the same level of authority or discernment?
4.  Anger is not the same as discernment.  In fact anger usually does the opposite as it clouds our thinking and judgment. It is possible that our knowledge about a situation (discernment) may have triggered our emotional feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger (the emotional response), but once anger takes its full form our discernment becomes compromised.
5.  Anger keeps us from seeing the best in others.  Often the people with whom we get the most angry are people we care the most about.  Once our anger settles down, we realize that the person who was the object of our anger still has valuable skills and positive attributes. 
6.  Anger is repulsive.  Anger “rubs off” on others around us, contributing to negative work environments and dysfunctional family units.  People do not want to be around others who are angry and bitter.
7. Anger is not a fruit of the spirit. We have the power within us to produce love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.²  This is what is needed in our families, our work environments, and our communities today.

When I was growing up, I lived near to my great-grandmother. The whole time I knew her she was a nasty, bitter woman.  Sure, she had some moments when she was happy and would smile, but these were far outshadowed by the negative undercurrents of bitterness that ruled her life.  She would argue with the family and yell at the neighbors.  She would criticize and threaten people.  Never once did I ever meet someone who envied my great-grandmother’s bitter and cold life, nor tell me that I should grow up to “be like her.”  As I grew older I learned that she had not always been that way.  Her husband developed multiple sclerosis early in their marriage, and in the 1930s there was not much medical science could do.  She watched him become crippled and die of pneumonia in his early 40s.  She was then left to raise two children as a single mother.  Somewhere along the way, bitterness grew a deep root into her soul that had gripping effects for the rest of her life.  How truly sad and tragic. 

What became of my own, personal anger episode?  Once the raw emotions of the event dampened down, I found discernment was waiting for me like a faithful friend.  I was reminded that the person with whom I was angry was still an excellent leader with strong management skills. We had a productive meeting where we aired our concerns and created a useful plan to address the problems.  Rather than stumbling over the rubble of a broken relationship, our work environment became more positive and effective.  Did anger play a role in creating this need to have the discussion?  I guess so.  But anger did NOT create the effective solutions to the problem.  Discernment did that, once anger was expelled. 

¹ Matthew 21:12-13

² Galatians 5:22-23