Goodbye with Grace

Breaking relationships is always difficult.  When is the right time?  Are we doing it with the right motivation?  Are we following Godly methods in the process?  These are all very challenging questions.

In Matthew Chapter 6, Jesus Himself says that we should forgive others for their sins against us (Matt 6:12, 6:14-15).  A chapter before that he says that if we harbor resentment with our brother, we should first be reconciled to our brother before we give God our offering (Matt 5:23-24).  God clearly calls us to forgiveness and reconciliation.

Yet Jesus also taught that sometimes people will simply not think the way they should, or act the way they should. In Matthew 18, Jesus says that if a brother or sister sins, we should first go and point it out to them.  If that does not work, then take two or three others to discuss.  If that does not work then take it to the church for them to provide counsel.  If that does not work, then we are called to “treat them as [we] would a pagan or tax collector” (Matt 18:15-17).  There are also many Bible verses validating adultery and “sexual immorality” as a divorceable offence (Matt 19:9).  

So how do we both forgive and reconcile, while also acknowledging the need to dispel and divorce?  I believe the answer to this comes from our personal motivation and spirit in the process.  There are consequences to a sinner’s actions, but will we use the Holy Spirit within us to love the sinner while we hate the sin? 

A wise mentor once told me that “Reason is not something you can force someone to have.”  There are people we simply will not get along with, and whose thinking we cannot change.  But we should not believe the lie that they are beyond God’s pursuit or love.  Through my own conversion experience I learned three truths:  1) God is faithful, period; 2) No one is unsaveable; and 3) Forgiveness is complete.  If that were not true, then my arrogant, type A personality self would still be running 90 miles per hour away from God to the misperceived security of self-sufficiency.  If He can save me, then He can save anybody.  We simply have to realize that salvation of the lost person is God’s job, not our job, other than what God calls us to do in witnessing to the person and living our lives as Godly examples.

Does this mean that we should continue to return to situations with difficult people who mistreat us, ridicule us, lie to us, and cheat us?  Doing so would be foolish. “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly” (Prov 26:11).  Yet as we let this person suffer the consequences of their actions, can we pray with a positive spirit for the person we are leaving behind, entrusting God to continue to pursue them and use this perceived “bad” thing for the person’s good?  If we harbor anger, resentfulness, and unforgiveness, we reduce our usefulness towards the ultimate goal of refinement, maturity, and salvation of the person with whom we are called to still love.

A simpler message is that of grace.  As we have received, so we should give. And this can lead us to a goodbye with grace.