A strange thing happens when a person turns 40. Sometimes it does not happen right away. Sometimes it takes a few months or years. But most of the time, when a person turns 40, they change.
Sometimes it is not a big change. Sometimes it does not happen all at once, but nearly everyone changes.
For me, I spent the prior decade in my occupation developing leadership skills that enabled me to do a lot of cool things, only to find at age 41 that I was overextended, lacking focus, and grumpy. I also saw key friends around me getting divorced and “changing” themselves, sometimes not for the good. The grumpiness turned to cynicism, and cynicism to anger and frustration. That is no way to live.
A meltdown ensued, followed by a refinement by fire and a long introspective look about where I feel God is leading me, and where my God-given talents should be best used. I had to let go of some things that I once thought were important. I had to change my outlook on life. I had to choose to begin seeing things in the positive and not the negative, and that is what this blog is all about.
Was that my “midlife crisis?” I certainly hope so and pray it is over with. I know that this life change is not yet over for some of my loved ones, nor do I think others have started it yet. All I can say is dispelling bitterness is good for you regardless of your age in life.
This blog is all about living out Philippians 4:8:
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable; if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think of such things.
This does not mean that we give up our battles or turn our lives away from things that we cherish. What it means is that we proactively look for things to be thankful for, and channel our energies to those areas where we can make the most impact.
I am also reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Imagine our lives without envy, boastfulness, pride, rudeness, self-centeredness, and anger. We cannot control these negative attributes of our world, but much freedom and joy comes from trying to rid these qualities from ourselves.
The title of this blog was inspired by an essay I wrote in Fall 2015 called “Accepting the Maybe.” As humans we tend to hold onto bad things that happened to us in the past, and can become cynical and untrusting. While it is true that we should learn from our past experiences, it is also true that we cannot let our past limit the potential of our future. Maybe things are different now. Maybe the people around us really can be trusted. Maybe we are all in this together. Maybe we can achieve more if we work together rather than against each other. Maybe we should start “accepting the maybe.”
If you are ready to start thinking more positively about this world, then this blog is for you.
I concur wholeheartedly, and applaud your insight, observations, and responses. I, too, observed similar changes in myself and those around me during that decade, filled with doubt, questioning, cynicism, and often depression. They exhausted their strength and reserves in a futile attempt to fight the changes. Focusing on the passages you quoted gave hope to many, but even then, it was a challenging time, no doubt.
ReplyDeleteMy next comments are not intended in ANY way to detract from what you have sagely described, but rather it is an attempt to expound on it further, from a perspective that you could not see, as of yet. The changes that occur during the 50's are quite different, but just as dramatic, and (I believe), even more challenging than those preceding this decade. A wise counselor once told me, when I requested his insight, that, "If a man can survive his 50's, he can survive anything!" I believe he was correct; neither puberty, raising children, pursuit of higher education, nor assaults, betrayals, and major losses could compare to the hurdles and challenges of that decade.
I suspect that in a few years, you may be inclined to rename your blog, "Accepting the Inevitable!"
All we can do is to continue to grow in faith, hope, and love, and continue to walk along this path that has been thoughtfully laid out before us, although we see it dimly, and in the dark...knowing that it will lead to increased wisdom, growth, reliance on our Maker, and ultimately, to peace.
I find myself accepting the maybe and the inevitable frequently!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, Janet!